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Getting older

 
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zretrareo27



Joined: 23 Dec 2004
Posts: 74
Location: ohio

PostPosted: Mon Nov 17, 2008 11:16 pm    Post subject: Getting older Reply with quote

Well. It's been a while since I've logged on here. I've been a pretty solid punk rocker per say for a while now, its what I grew up with, its like my family. When I'm sad or need something to abolish my anger, punk rock is there. When I'm having a kick ass time, punk rock is right there with me. When I really feel at home, there too is punk rock. Now I'm sure some people would be so kind as to laugh at me, but I'm scared about something. I'm scared, now, with growing older that I'm loosing myself. I do the same damn job every day, and the same damn thing. My excitement for the week is having someone spend the night one night a week. I play freakin' online games for fuck's sake. I feel that I have lost all self determination, and almost my spirit. I've always had firm beliefs, but now I feel less driven to pursue them than ever before.
I don't want that real part of me to die out.
Comments, bitching, suggestions are appreciated.
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gearhead



Joined: 28 Jul 2007
Posts: 5
Location: miami

PostPosted: Sun Nov 23, 2008 6:40 pm    Post subject: never too young to be a bitter old man Reply with quote

i think i know some of what you're feeling. when i first started listening to punk it felt like i had found something to relate to. here was alot of people who were pissed off, some of which actually wanted to do something about it. shortly thereafter my flirtations with the concept of anarchy and direct action began. it didn't take long before i got jaded with the whole thing. everyone was too busy being "punker than thou", and most of the direct action cats weren't interested in doing much more than standing around the post office with signs. long story short, i never got around to doing a damn thing, except selling out and joining the military. granted, it gave me some discipline and a bit more determination (sans direction), but these days things seem as stale as ever. i work my ass off and still live check to check - all to keep the miami elite safe at night. somewhere along the way i lost something that made me give a shit. punk rock is still here to remind me of the days when i had life by the balls and thought maybe i could help make a difference. these days i just go home and play with my wife and son, laying plans to get the hell away from civilization. but i wonder, how long will it take for me to watch that dream get crushed and just give up? i grow more bitter as the days go by, but i suppose i am mostly to blame. i don't give a shit about anyone other than my family anymore. i don't think humanity is worth saving. we're all animals who have lost our edge, our survival instincts, and i wonder if we'd be better off weeding out the weak. for a while i thought maybe i was a terrible person for thinking so, but these days i don't care anymore. i miss the country. there was time for eveyrthing, i was at peace, and no cops or neighbors prying into my business. not really sure where i was going with this - just bitching i suppose. i have no sugestions really. pursue something you love i guess. my escape is heaing my son laugh. even on those days when i want to see everyone running down the street aflame and screaming in agony, that little bastard wants to play hide and go seek, and all the bad shit goes away. plus, he likes to dance to crimpshrine, and tries to steal my PBR whenever i leave it in reach. good times. plus, at least i'm not knocking on peoples doors at 8am on a saturday pushing religion anymore, so things aren't as bad as they were. make a secret plan and execute it. perhaps that will resurrect some of what you've lost.
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